I'm not exactly sure what this one was trying to accomplish, but I definitely like the cynicism in the closing line...
Seventy five thousand score and many years ago our descendants brought forth on some continent a new discovery conceived in the paleolithic, and dedicated to the proposition that all men should be cozy and warm. Now we are inhabiting in a great society; a nation of technology, that has since endured. We are met today because of the insight of the ancient Homo erectus, in discovering the usefulness of fire, thenceforth carried embers to kindle future fires. In providing the warmth to endure the frigid winters and to cook their mammoth meals, they laid down the milestone of human history, paving the way for the ascend of mankind.
What we say today may soon be forgotten, but what they have done will never be forgotten. In their legacy lies all we have accomplished and it is for us, the living, to keep the flame alive. Before us lies a great task. We must complete their unfinished work, hitherto done with such nobility. We shall increase our devotion to advance and to let progress everywhere run unchecked. We resolve that the flames of our ancestors have not burned in vain, they shall continue to burn, until we have burnt down the Earth!